it feels really, bad.
it feels bad to realize after so many trainings and after you’ve tried so hard, that you have no talent at all. you cant eye the ball, you get panic on the field even though you’ve played the same play over and over again in your mind, you’re scared.
scared that you’ll bring down the whole team, and become some kind of disappointment.
it feels bad to realize after one semester of self convincing that you’ll be happy in film although it wasnt your first choice, you get so intimidated when you cant really catch all the technical terms mary and midori and even your classmates are talking about. you take 3 more seconds to register those terms, and your sense of lightings sucks. you’re still blur about operating the H1, and all those 50i 25p shit. you’re scared.
scared that you’re not enjoying whatever you’re doing right now, and you regret not doing better and get into viscom where you can totally understand their language like layers and pen tools and brushes.
there’s no one to blame. i just suck.
